Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
