i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
