I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
