she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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