I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this will be a night to untag.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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