Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
