just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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