Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
