i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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