You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
