You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
