If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
