its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
