3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
