he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
