I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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