We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
