spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
