I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
