She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
