yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Duck Duck Cougar?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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