i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
