she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
