whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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