Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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