I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
