my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
