So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
