just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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