I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
