She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
