Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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