I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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