Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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