I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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