you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Come see our sink grown plant.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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