Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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