How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
