I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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