my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
