Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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