We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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