Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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