When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
