I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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