Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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