I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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