apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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