Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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