I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize