Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
