Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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