the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
