My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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