So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize