Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
