Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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