just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
