Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner