I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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