you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!