I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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