if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
