Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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