The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
