I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
