he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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