why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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