youre lurking in front of me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
