I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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