no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
