Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
