Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
