Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
