I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
