JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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