I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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