I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
