Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
