I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
